At Last
by Trish Edmisten
For the last hour, Tyler Burns had been sitting in the same spot on his couch. The beer he’d held the entire time remained untouched. How had things come to this? It was the same question that had been rattling around his brain for the last hour.
When he’d woken up this morning, he was a happily engaged man. He and Stephanie were looking forward to a full day of pre-wedding activities. Things had been going along swimmingly. They’d managed to find a wedding cake and settle on the food selection. Stephanie had helped him select the gifts for his best man and groomsmen. It was during their last order of business for the day that everything fell apart.
The moment they entered the flower shop, he spotted Shelby. There was no question it was her. Their eyes met, and her face registered the same recognition his own surely did. With Shelby standing not ten feet from him, Tyler forgot he was a confident thirty-year-old man. He even forgot Stephanie was standing beside him.
It was Shelby who recovered first. She floated toward him with a carefully designed smile. When she spoke, her voice was smooth and silky and held the mildest hint of seduction. Their exchange of pleasantries was brief with a subtle undertone of something long forgotten.
Shopping for flowers no longer seemed important, but he and Stephanie went through the motions. When the order was placed, and the time to part ways again was suddenly upon him, Tyler was seized with an irrational grip of emotions he was still struggling to sort out.
“Who was that?”
He’d been expecting the question, but he didn’t have an answer prepared. That wasn’t an easy question to answer. There was no single word or phrase to sum up who Shelby Sawyer was.
“She’s the one that got away,” Tyler answered in the only way that made sense to him.
Stephanie was understandably horrified. The ride back to his house was blanketed with a tense silence. As soon as they entered the house, Tyler had immediately gone for a beer. When he’d returned from the kitchen, he’d found Stephanie sitting on the couch with a devastated look on her face. Unsure what he was supposed to do or say, he’d simply flopped down at the opposite end of the couch, and there they’d sat for the last hour.
In that last hour, Tyler had done nothing but think. His head throbbed from the jumble of thoughts that pounded against his temples in their attempt to free themselves from his brain.
“Tell me about Shelby,” Stephanie finally broke the silence.
Finally, Tyler took a swig of the now warm beer and gave in to the memories that had brought them to this point.
Tyler Burns was only fifteen years old the first time he saw Shelby Sawyer. While it had been love at first sight for him, Shelby didn’t know he existed. At least that’s what he thought.
Shelby was perfect with long, shining, brown hair and large, blue eyes. Already, her petite frame curved in all the right places.
At the opposite end of the spectrum was Tyler. He was tall and skinny, and although he’d been told he had the perfect build for basketball, no manner of sports interested him. He preferred to make his escape into a world of books.
Of course he’d seen her in the library for the first time. As soon as he spotted her, Tyler knew who she was. He also had no idea what had given him the guts to speak to her, but he’d felt driven to approach her and hear the sound of her voice.
“If you need help finding something, I’m pretty good with that kind of thing,” Tyler blurted out.
The instant he heard the words, Tyler hated them. He longed to reach into the silence hanging in the air and take them back.
Shelby smiled at him. “Thanks, Tyler, but I’m not sure what I’m looking for yet.”
Tyler’s jaw fell open. “You know my name?”
“I do if your name is Tyler.”
Before he could ask her how or why she knew his name, one of her friends came from behind to pull her away. Tyler wanted to beg her to stay, wanted to think of something to say, but nothing came from his still open mouth.
“I’ll see you around, Ty,” Shelby said before she was gone.
No one had ever called him Ty, and the familiarity of it warmed him inside.
Shelby came to the library often after that day. Though she never checked out a book, Tyler didn’t give it a second thought. It didn’t occur to him that Shelby might be coming to the library just to see him.
“Today’s my birthday, Ty,” Shelby announced one day.
“I know. You told me last week.”
“There’s only one thing I want for my birthday.”
“What’s that?”
“I want you to kiss me, Tyler Burns,” she said in the most petulant tone he’d ever heard.
“What?” Tyler gasped. “Why do you want me to kiss you?”
“Because I like you,” she giggled. “So, are you interested or not?”
“Am I interested in what?” Tyler was still trying to sort out what she’d just confessed.
“Do you want to kiss me or date me or both or neither?”
Tyler stood giving serious thought to her question that was really a series of questions all strung together. He wanted to kiss her and date her and love her and marry her, but the words were lodged in his throat.
Instead of being angry at his stunned silence, Shelby seemed to sense his struggle. There in the library stacks, she stood on her tiptoes, wrapped her arms around him, and brought her lips to his.
“You know you’re mine forever now,” Tyler whispered.
“I was hoping you’d say that,” Shelby murmured.
From that day on, Shelby and Tyler were inseparable.
At school, Tyler was reserved with his passion for Shelby, but away from school, he held her close and kissed her and touched her. Before long, they became intimately familiar with one another. Not long after that, their relationship changed forever.
As soon as Tyler saw her approaching that morning, with her eyes large and sad, he knew she had bad news.
“My dad got a new job in California, and we have to move next week,” Shelby said before Tyler could even ask what was wrong.
“That’s on the other side of the world,” Tyler gasped.
“I know,” Shelby wailed “That’s not even the worst part.”
“What do you mean?”
“My dad thinks it’s for the best that we’re moving. He says you and I are too close.”
“Did you tell him how much we love each other?”
“Yes, and I told him we wanted to get married when we finished college.”
“And what did he say?”
“He said I was too young to be thinking about marriage,” Shelby answered. “He says when we move, I can’t talk to you ever again. No writing or phone calls or anything.”
“That’s nuts,” Tyler burst out.
“I know,” Shelby agreed.
It was the saddest he’d ever heard her sound, and Tyler couldn’t think of anything to do but hold her.
Stephanie was silent for a moment before she finally spoke. “Tyler, I need you to be honest with me.”
“I am being honest with you.”
“I mean, I need to ask you something, and I want an honest answer.”
Tyler knew what was coming, and he didn’t want to answer. Still, he bobbed his head up and down.
“If she hadn’t left, do you think you’d still be together? Do you think you would’ve married her?” she asked the questions he’d expected.
“I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Why didn’t you try and find her?”
It was another question he didn’t want to answer, and he was beginning to regret his promise to be honest. He hadn’t gone in search of Shelby because he’d been afraid of what he would find.
“I noticed she wasn’t wearing a ring,” Stephanie remarked.
Though her tone was casual, Tyler knew what she was fishing for, and he knew enough to stay silent.
“Would you please say something?” Stephanie demanded.
“What do you want me to say?”
“I don’t know. Just say something. Your silence is saying too much.”
“What do you mean?”
Stephanie didn’t answer right away, but Tyler didn’t push her to explain. Not only did he have no interest in fighting with her, but he had a pretty good idea what she was getting at. He knew what she wanted, but he couldn’t give it to her.
“I always wondered about you,” Stephanie finally spoke.
“What do you mean?” Tyler repeated.
“I always wondered why a man like you was still single,” Stephanie began. “At first I thought you might be gay, but after you asked me out I thought maybe you were the world’s biggest jerk.”
“I’ve never been a jerk to you,” Tyler interrupted.
“That’s not what I meant,” she assured him. “When we first started dating, I felt like you were holding back with me, like maybe you were afraid to trust me. That’s when I decided you weren’t gay or a jerk, but you’d probably been hurt badly in the past. I thought that’s why you kissed me with sweetness instead of passion. I thought that’s why you were so reserved with your love. I thought a lot of things, but I never thought you couldn’t give me your heart because it already belonged to another woman.”
“My relationship with Shelby was a long time ago.”
“I know, but love is love. Whether you’re five or fifteen or fifty-five, love is love.”
Everything she was saying was true, but his rational mind told him to deny it all and assure Stephanie it was nothing. He knew he should tell her his reaction was nothing more than the surprise of seeing an old flame, and it didn’t mean anything. These were the things he knew he should say, but he couldn’t say any of them.
“What do you want, Tyler?” Stephanie asked softly.
Tyler could see how it pained her to ask the question, and he hurt for her. It was the same kind of hurt losing Shelby had given him. There was no part of him that wanted to answer that question. Why did she have to ask? They both knew he had no idea what he wanted, and he didn’t want to say it any more than Stephanie wanted to hear it.
“You need some time to think,” Stephanie realized.
The strength in her voice amazed him. He didn’t deserve her understanding. He deserved to have her yell at him and remind him that he’d been the one to propose. Tyler wanted her to order him to put Shelby out of his mind and focus on the wedding, but she didn’t.
“There’s just one more thing I need to say, Tyler,” Stephanie said as she stood to go. “If you choose Shelby, and she rejects you or things don’t work out, I won’t be waiting around. I can’t sit by hoping you’ll come back to me.”
Her fingers shook as she slid the engagement ring from her finger and placed it in his hand. Again, Tyler said nothing. He simply stood helplessly by and allowed her to leave. As the door closed behind her, Tyler knew he should go after her, but he couldn’t bring himself to do it.
Minutes turned into hours as Tyler remained in his place on his couch. Memories of the past danced with glimpses of the future. All the while, the question bounced around in his head: what do you want?
The answer didn’t come easily, but it came. He knew what he wanted, knew who he wanted. At last, Tyler rose from his place on the couch and took the first steps toward his future.
In 2008, I was a semi-finalist in the Amazon Breakthrough Novel Awards, and in 2005, I was a top ten finisher in the genre short story category of the Writer’s Digest annual writing competition. The June 2008 issue of Creative With Words magazine will include my article entitled Why I Write. Besides being an author, I hold a degree in criminology. Contact Trish.
