Student work from the Long Story Short School of Writing Julie Shapiro

Jennifer Svendsen-Delaney offered a sample o her Quintessential Queries and Savvy Synopses. From that, she chose Marcia Berenger's query letter as the best of the lot:

Ms. Deborah Brodie

Executive Editor

Roaring Brook Press

175 Fifth Avenue

New York, NY 10010

Dear Ms. Brodie:

I have written a new kind of Chanukah story. Grandma's Dreidel retells the story of Chanukah through the setting of an exciting series of adventures, emphasizing how that ancient tale relates to children today. Many stories tell about the celebration of Chanukah: about dreidels, latkes and of course, presents, about menorahs and miracles. But there are no children's stories showing that through the history of Chanukah comes the true spirit behind the holiday. Grandma’s Dreidel does just that. It goes beyond the symbols of Chanukah to help readers experience its true meaning. Grandma's Dreidel is a short chapter book (8000 words) written for eight to twelve year olds.

The story opens as Mom and Dad, discouraged by their children's lack of true Chanukah spirit, bring out Grandma's old dreidel. 'One short spin and we can open our presents,' think the children. But this was no ordinary dreidel. The children are whisked away to a world of danger and fear, of hiding and fighting, of soldiers and Maccabees. The children experience first hand what it is like to fight for something you truly believe in. Each spin of the dreidel lands them in another perilous chapter of this epic struggle for human rights. The final spin takes them back home, where they share their new understanding of the true meaning of religious freedom.

My writing credits include a story in the anthology Aleatory's Junction (published 10/06 by Double Dragon Press), a second story and two poems accepted in two anthologies (The Healing Touch/Alzheimer's and Through the Eyes of Love), a story the November 2006 issue of Poetica Magazine and an article in the December 2006 issue of Highlights Magazine. In addition, I am the bi-monthly Science columnist for Cecil Child Magazine and a book reviewer for myshelf.com. Additional information about me can be found on my website: www.freewebs.com/marciab .

I am sending Grandma's Dreidel to you as an exclusive submission. I noticed you had an interest in books on Jewish subjects from the Jewish Children's Book Writers' Conference literature. After reading your interview with Barbara Odanaka, I am impressed with the philosophy of Roaring Brook Press and its author-centered attitude. I am particularly interested in working with a smaller press that values its authors. I am seeking not only a home for Grandma's Dreidel, but also for my other children's manuscripts and am, therefore, searching for the supportive environment you describe. I would be honored to have you consider Grandma's Dreidel as an addition to the Roaring Brook Press collection. Please contact me and I will send you the entire manuscript.

I appreciate your interest in Grandma's Dreidel and look forward to hearing from you in the near future.

Sincerely,

Marcia Berneger

Marcia Berneger is a first grade teacher by day, and a wife, mother of two teenage sons and writer at night. Her writing credits include a story in the anthology Aleatory's Junction (published 10/06 by Double Dragon Press), a second story and two poems accepted in two anthologies (The Healing Touch/Alzheimer's and Through the Eyes of Love), a story the November 2006 issue of Poetica Magazine and an article in the December 2006 issue of Highlights Magazine. In addition, she is the bi-monthly Science columnist for Cecil Child Magazine and a book reviewer for myshelf.com. Additional information about her can be found on her website, www.freewebs.com/marciab.

Below is the best work submitted for Jane Bernard's sampler,

Fine Tuning the Senses. Nancy Famolari wrote:

"Beyond the lattice-paned window, winter trees shake their gnarled fingers at the leaden sky. The furze, dirty brown, crushed by the rains, struggles to rise. Tomorrow there will be snow and the world will glisten, but today is the last day of autumn."

Nancy: My husband and I are retired. We live in northeast Pennsylvania on a horse farm with our retired Standard bred race horses and broodmare band. I enjoy carriage driving and have a special Morgan, Nicky.The farmhouse was built in the early 1800's and is one of the oldest homes in the area. We enjoy this historical area and particularly the little town of Montrose, which was once a vacation destination for people from New York and Philadelphia. I am also enjoying Linda Barnett-Johnson's writing friend groups. I find that editing and seeing how others edit your work is a very effective way to improve your writing. Contact Nancy.

Sampler Class Submission for Fiction Without Fear, taught by Perry Brass, from Bob Ruehrdanz:

She rose up out of her chair and searched the dining room for some lucky person. Her striking green eyes flashed on me long enough to leave an unforgettable image in my mind. I couldn’t help but stare at her face framed by lustrous red hair that moved gracefully when she turned her head. She was unmistakably beautiful in every detail. Her lips were light pink, always shaped in a slight smile. Her eyes kept darting from person to person. “Please look this way again,” I muttered to myself. My heart lurched suddenly as I realized I knew who she was. Yes, after all these years her beauty prevailed, especially those green flashing eyes.

“Sir, would you like a refill?”

I jerked my head around to the waiter standing alongside me with a large silver coffee pot. “Oh, I’m sorry, yes more coffee please.”

Lifting my cup, I noticed that she was not at her table anymore. I almost stood up to go and find her. A voice behind me said, “Roger, may I sit here?”

I couldn’t speak. I opened my mouth and all that came out was, “Ah, uh.”

“I guess I can take that as a ‘Yes.” She sat down next to me and said, “Roger I saw you when you came in, but I must admit you look so different than the last time I saw you. Let me look at you,” as she sat back in her chair. “Your hair is shorter, a lot grayer; more handsome and distinguished looking. I like your dark gray jacket and navy slacks. How long has it been, seventeen or eighteen years?” The waiter returned with a fresh pot and poured her some coffee.

“Ronnie, I’m in shock. My mind is scrambling to recall the last time we were together. Where were we? Wait, now I have it, Chicago, right?”

“Yes, at that restaurant we liked so much, The Well of the Sea.”

Teacher's comments:

Bob has the beginnings of a good piece of writing here, and technically he has strong points: his grammar, for instance, and understanding of some basic editing is good. What we don't have here is the fundamental "work" of fiction: what is going on, what intentions are being set forth, and how will they be realized. What conflicts are already presenting themselves, and what kind of work will be done either to see the conflicts, present them, and overcome them. But with some more work, Bob could have the basic "kit" needed to say what he needs to say, and create professional writing. Perry Brass