WHAT IF...
by Marie Delgado Travis
What if...
At the stroke of midnight
All of the magicians on the planet
Shouted, ¨We've had it! ¨
And just upped and quit,
Pulled a disappearing act...
Poof! Vanished into thin air
To their top secret lair,
Their hidden den
In the nether glen
Never to reappear
In public again?
I humbly suggest that
Life without magic
Would be
Boorishly boring,
A burdensome bother.
A bummer, a bugger,
A hum-drum
Plain humbug,
No bun, pickles nor onions.
Handkerchiefs would be exclusively
For the blowses of noses,
Whoopee cushions couldn't emit
Loud and embarrassing noises,
Flatulence would sound, well, flat.
White doves would unexpectedly
Cancel their flights
And lie languidly
Reading Variety
In backstage cages
Waiting for cues
That would never come
Jokes would cause jeers and boos,
Not cheers and silly laughter.
No one would predict the future,
Not before, not after,
Or read minds,
Not even blank ones.
The magic word
Abracadabra
Would fail to open
A single Sesame seed
Let alone a trap door.
In short, life would be awful,
Appalling, absurd.
Hardly worth getting up from bed
In the morning at all.
But more mysterious,
Much more devious,
Sleight of hand would
Easily and effortlessly
Get out of hand,
Used, misused, abused
By the underground mob
In underhanded ploys
To rip off, rob
Unsuspecting
Girls and boys,
Of their favorite
Blankets and toys.
Bandits would pilfer
Black capes and top hats
To make themselves
Completely invisible
When filching coins from
Children’s piggy banks.
How miserable!
What rats!
Magic wands would fall
Into the greedy hands of
Unscrupulous businessmen
Always scheming to make
More and more money,
While paying
Fewer and fewer taxes,
A special kind of wizardry
-- Creative Accountancy --
Where one plus one
is guaranteed
To equal three or thirty
Or anything you’d like it to be.
Wands would double as pointers
At annual meetings
To amaze, astound,
Confuse, confound,
And give trusting stockholders
The imprecise impression
That earnings and profits
Are far better than expected.
Smoke and mirrors at the yearly
Dog and pony show.
Straight jackets and handcuffs
Would have no master keys.
Fun house mirrors
Would leave us
Permanently wavy.
Chinese torture would
DLIVE US CLAZY!
Women sawed in two
Would stay that way.
3D jigsaw puzzles that
Can't be reassembled,
Not with Velcro,
Nor even Super Glue.
Black would only be haute couture
For ex-CIA agents, nuns, mourners,
Penguins, crows and stylish spiders.
And no matter how
Hard one meditated,
No one could be levitated.
The Laws of Gravity
Would Always Apply.
Swords pushed through crates
Would really penetrate
And at any instant
Tickle or injure
The magician’s assistant.
Yuk! What a mess!
Yes, life without magic
Would truly be tragic.
A mature, grownup,
Predictable place.
Where a spade
could only be called
A spade.
And an ace
would be just that –
An ace.
Nothing more, nothing less.
The Queen’s purse would
Turn genuine diamonds
Into worthless zirconium.
And the King would whack
Poor Jack on the cranium
With his club
When he was mad at him.
Luckily, Jack’s quite a card,
His head’s laminated cardboard,
Which can't crack,
But sometimes bends
And that sure can smart.
Everyone at court
Would cry as if their
Heart were broken.
They'd shuffle,
Snort and sneeze,
Causing a
terrible racket.
Such annoying noise
May be okay
For the hoi polloi,
The little people,
The common folk.
But frightfully
Gauche and déclassé,
For hoity-toity royals,
Wouldn't you say?
Not to put too fine
A point on it,
But life without magic,
Miracles, gadgets,
Make-believe,
Where there is
Literally
Figuratively,
Nothing,
No tricks...
Zilch, nada
Not even a rabbit,
Or a ripe banana,
Up one’s sleeve,
Seems awfully routine,
Drearily dull,
A rut, a drudge,
A senseless, useless habit.
Too bland, too mild,
For the reasonably
Mischievous,
Medium spicy, saucy child.
In fact, no fun at all --
Not even for the typically
Average, tasteless parent.
So if one day you receive an
Urgent, person-to-person collect call
On behalf of the Venerable
Brotherhood of Magicians´ Union
Requesting your donation,
Remember the potentially
Dangerous consequences.
Please be courteous
And extra generous.
All contributions are, of course,
Completely tax deductible.
Thanks in advance
For your kind participation
In the Annual
Fundraising Drive
To keep Magicians
Contented and Well-fed.
To keep Magic Viable,
Vibrant and Alive!
Applause!
Kiss kiss!
And if you
Believe all this,
Gee, you're awfully
Sweet and gullible!
MARIE DELGADO TRAVIS is an award-winning author. She writes poetry and prose in English and Spanish. Visit her website at www.mariedelgadotravis.com.
